White House puts turkey pardon to vote on Facebook

The annual presidential turkey pardon will be decided by Facebook users this year

Think your vote doesn’t matter?  Think again, Friendo.  Your vote can save a life this year.  Damn it, man!  There’s no time!

I’m talking, of course, about the National Thanksgiving Turkey Presentation, during which one turkey will officially be pardoned by the president.  The tradition has been around for almost 50 years, but this year it’s getting a little shake-up as the White House is actually putting the vote to the people. 

Yes, on Tuesday, Facebook users could actually go to the White House page to vote for which turkey they wanted to be spared—Gobbler, or Cobbler… (because...what else are you going to name a turkey?)—by liking and sharing the picture of their preferred fowl.  Voting ended at 8 pm ET Tuesday evening.

The pardoning ceremony will take place Wednesday at 2 pm ET, at which point voters will find out which turkey was pardoned.

I’m sorry to say that this year, I didn’t vote.  Voter apathy, I suppose…even though a life is at stake here.  Actually, it turns out, it’s not.  In a little note at the bottom of the White House’s pun-packed blog, it’s made clear that both turkeys will actually be spared. 

“After the pardoning, both turkeys travel to George Washington’s Mount Vernon Estate and Gardens to reside in a custom-made enclosure at Mount Vernon’s nationally recognized livestock facility,” the blog post reads.

So don’t worry, guys, it’s all “gravy.”

(Just how awesome are the puns in this blog post, you ask?  Pretty damn awesome.  Check out: “Turkeys have been carving out a special place in American history since 1963,” and “People all across the country are flocking to cast their vote.”)

The turkeys’ respective stats are posted for all to see so you can make an informed decision.  I’m putting my money on Cobbler, who’s one inch shorter and three pounds lighter than Gobbler.  I like an underdog.

There’s a lot of heated discussion taking place on the White House Facebook page, and of course none of it has anything to do with Gobbler or Cobbler.  Click on Gobbler’s link and you’ll find a long list of comments on everything from jobs and Obamacare to Israel and Benghazi.  There are also lots of banana nut bread recipes, for some reason.

It looks like Cobbler may be the champion, with 2,188 likes and 468 shares, as of 10 pm PT.  Gobbler pulled in 1,916 likes and 406 shares.

You can watch the pardoning ceremony live at Wh.gov/live at 2 pm ET/11 am PT.