Tips on what you should send out in an email to prospective investors
I get deal pitches daily. I want all of you to understand the code words that IMHO are sure fire signs that the entrepreneur has no idea what they are doing and is destined to fail. This is from an email today, redacted of course to protect the guilty. My interpretation of the letter is in bold.
My
name is John Doe, CEO and Founder of John Doe Unlimited Innovations and
Technology, LLC. JDUIT is an innovation conglomerate, designed for many
different industries and is dedicated to improve the quality of life for
individuals throughout the world, one step at a time.
The
first thing I do at this point is look at the senders email address. Is it an
email with the company name in the URL? If it isn't.. ding, ding, ding.
The sender has come up with a name, but doesn’t have the focus or confidence
to put up a Web site. This person was using a gmail account.Next
my #FailDar was ringing louder than Larry Kudlow talking nonsense on CNBC about
green shoots when I read the “designed for different industries and is
dedicated to improve the quality of life of individuals throughout the world,
one step at a time.” I'm sorry, but could anyone possibly invent and write
anything that is more full of shit than this person? That has to go down in
business letter history as one of the all time worse lines. If you want to get
someone interested in your company, DO NOT tell them you are going to save the
world. You are not. No one will believe you will. Save that nonsense for
your grandma when you are trying to make her proud of you.
First, I want to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to overlook a great opportunity we have for the near future. As you may know, with the steady progression of time, there are rapid advancements in technology and trends through innovation. We have devised a revolutionary and lucrative idea that will produce much success to all parties involved. We have created a plan with four separate projects that together ensure short- and long-term success. We have adopted a cutting-edge engineer consulting alliance to bridge our vision and planning with technical expertise. In addition, Famous Person is our President and Co-Founder.
Quite
a few words to say absolutely nothing. But here is the more important point.
Ready ? If you have someone who is famous, which suggests they are wealthy, or
who actually is known to be wealthy, involved in your company and you are
pimping that person in order to increase my interest, I will tell you what goes
through my head: If this is such a great fricking idea, why aren’t they funding
the entire thing. If you were able to buy dollars for 50 cents, would you go
out and get outside investors, or would you keep this sure thing to yourself
and your famous friend ? You would keep it. The fact that your famous friend
doesn’t think enough of the idea to keep it all to you and him/her tells me I
should be very, very careful.
We have designed a perfect plan that
fits the standards of the 21st century; advanced and revolutionary ideas,
solutions, and projects though innovation. We have acquired an excellent project
support team, complete with scientists and engineers as well as an extensive
list of connections. We are seeking to add our only missing piece, an
investor(s), to become a partial owner. We are seeking investment for the first
of our four project. Through thorough research, our scientists are confident in
their ability to create and perfect a novel, consumer-friendly “Kick Ass
System” based on proven Kick Ass physics. We ask that you consider this
opportunity, as we are confident you will find it to be revolutionary and
profitable.
Once again, did this person actually
say anything ? No. Reminds me of a line from a DMX song… “talk all day and say
nothing”. At this point I am reading this email and actually smiling, thinking
it must be a joke. That someone sent me this because it won a literary prize
for the worst introduction letter of all time.
Attached is a copy of our executive
summary. If you could be so kind as to take a moment of you time to overlook
it, I am positive you will be as enthusiastic as I am for an opportunity
like this. I look forward to speaking with you soon and the possibility of a
working relationship. Once again, thank you for your time and consideration.
Have a wonderful day. God bless.
The above is acceptable. At least they
are polite.
In our plan, we bridge together technical expertise and vision to jump-start the next generation of living. The JDUIT Plan will be the key part of a stable, invigorated economy by providing secure jobs and generating
great wealth.
Anyone for jumpstarting the next
generation of living? Does the person who wrote it, seriously believe it ?
II. The Mission
JDUIT intends to ignite the next generation of living, providing groundbreaking
solutions to current economic issues, while continuing to encourage people to
grow with everexpanding innovations. It is a lifestyle. We will not only
make life easier, but dramatically improve the quality of living by helping
people rethink their lifestyle choices. We do not merely seek to expand our
business volume, but we are dedicated to the use of our unique, advanced
technologies to contribute to the safety, benefits, and welfare of people
worldwide. Our success is directly linked to the prosperity of our customers,
management, employees, investors, partners, advisors, and shareholders; the
entire JDUIT family
Now if this isn’t a mission statement
that makes you want to get out your checkbook, I don’t know what is.
That's about as much as I can post
without giving the company identity away. I’m not saying this company can not
be successful. I don’t think they can, but I have been wrong before. But one
thing I know for certain, their pitch to me is one of the worst, if not the
very worst I have ever received and I can not take it or the company seriously.
If you are an entrepreneur who is looking for capital and is sending letters or emails of introduction, leave out the Bullshit. Say who you are. What you have. What makes it different than the competition. What you want to accomplish. How you plan on getting there and how I can help. Everything else will usually hurt more than it will help.
(Image source: martialdevelopment.com)
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