Which turkey will be pardoned? YOU DECIDE.

The annual turkey pardon is being put to a vote for the second year in a row

As Butterball faces a critical turkey shortage this Thanksgiving, the White House is making a mockery of our nationwide crisis. (It’s not really a crisis though, since you shouldn’t be patronizing factory farms anyway, jerk. Go get a free range turkey for Christ's sake.) Today, the White House has opened the polls, allowing everyday Americans to vote on which turkey will receive the official White House Turkey Pardon.

Aaaaand I seriously can’t stop laughing. The two turkeys in question, Caramel and Popcorn, each has a profile listing off his stats and likes. And each profile comes with a gobble sound bite.

Now picture this: you’re an intern at the White House. You’re starry eyed with wonder and awe, eager to get to work and learn the ropes, ready to shape the future of the country. Then someone hands you a microphone and tells you to get out to the turkey pen and record some gobbles.

This is the second year that the White House has put the turkey pardon to an online vote, and just like last year, both of the turkeys will actually be spared. The winner, however, will take the “title.” You can vote by sharing on Facebook and Twitter. Are you #TeamCaramel or #TeamPopcorn? Personally, I am and will always be #TEAMJACOB. 

Caramel is described as two feet tall, weighing 38 pounds 4 ounces, with a “steady and deliberate” walk, as well as a “quick, clear and frequent” gobble. He also loves soybean meal and rocks out to Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.”

Meanwhile, Popcorn is one inch shy of two feet, weighs 37 pounds 6 ounces, with a “proud strut” and a gobble that features “more garbled, longer notes.” (Some poor intern is calling home to tell her mom she won’t be able to make it to Thanksgiving dinner this year because she has to record more turkey gobbles.) Popcorn’s favorite food is corn and his jam is “Halo” by Beyoncé.

Both birds are supremely hideous.

The “polls” close at 8 pm ET, and the winner will be announced Wednesday. YOU CAN ALSO SIGN UP FOR EMAIL ALERTS.

Of course, like last year, the comments on the White House Facebook page have nothing to do with Caramel or Popcorn. Even more fun than guessing which turkey will win will be guessing how many people make the “I vote for the real turkey—OBAMA!” wisecrack. So far, it’s a pretty popular joke. And each person seems to be completely oblivious to the other 500 that already said it.

So get your vote in now before the polls close! Vote or die, bitchez!